The Afternoon of Life

 Yesterday was difficult.   There’s really not a better word.   The synonyms for that word include: tricky, hard, easier said than done, complicated, thorny, complex and intricate…all words that fit at some point during the day.   The day started difficult and only went downhill until evening time, when mom was finally able to sleep.   The day was so hard for me that I couldn’t write about it until today…hoping that a night of rest would help me to see that it really wasn’t as bad as it felt…and today I feel a little more restored and recentered than I did when I went to sleep late last night. The day started early with exhaustion.   When your heart and ears are tuned to listen for calls of help, no matter who’s here to assist, there’s really no such thing as sleep.   I’m talking the kind of sleep that renews and lets your body regroup.   Instead sleep is restless, never quite slipping deep enough to relax…eyes closed and brain in cruise…listening an...

 In a world where things have slowed to a crawl…where death waits at the door…where every moment with mom has become precious…a hidden blessing has showed up.   That blessing walked in the door last Saturday afternoon and I have spent five days rejoicing and thanking God for letting me see this blessing.   It’s a blessing I’ve had for all but five years of my life…I’ve known it was a blessing…but I’d forgotten.   Forgotten because time and space and distance and life had gotten in the way.   And now I’m being reminded again of how much God loves me, because He blessed me with a little brother…David Paige. Someone once told me that if you want to know how a man will treat you when you’re his wife then watch how he treats his mother.   I’ve decided this week that my sister-in-law Kim must feel incredibly loved and cherished for I’ve watched David love and cherish his mother in beautiful, tender and practical ways.   He’s brought a smile to her face…and min...

  It is a strange thing to think about choosing the box that your mother’s body will be packaged and stored in after her spirit is gone.   I expected to be a little horrified at the task of making such a choice.   Mom, whose sense of “frugality” has known no bounds, instructed us in making our choice.   “You buy the cheapest coffin they have!”   We didn’t promise to follow those instructions. We walked into a room full of caskets and I stood there realizing the dignity and beauty that was in the room.   But my eyes were immediately drawn to a casket.   There just was no second choice for me.   I saw another possibility, but it took about a half second to dismiss and move back to “Winter Bloom”, a beautiful cream-colored casket with pale pink lining and a pink flower etched in the top panel.   Each corner is also inlaid with beautiful pink flowers.   Mom had already shared with me the outfit she wanted to be buried in…Dad’s favorite ou...

The scariest sound I’ve heard in a long time…maybe forever…was mom’s wake up call at 6:00 a.m. this morning.   “Help me!   I’ve fallen!” she called. I don’t know how I got to the living room so fast…David right behind me.   Mom was sprawled on the floor next to her bed.   It took both of us to lift her – carefully – unable to put an arm under her right arm where her lymph nodes were removed.   David lifted her left arm as I wrapped my hands around her waist to get her to her knees, then standing, then onto the potty, her original destination. It is a horrible sight to see your 76-year-old mother lying on a cold, hard floor.   My heart broke.   After we got her off the potty and back on the bed, I checked her arm and leg for bruising.   It wasn’t till I moved across the room and looked back at her that I saw the egg forming above her right eyebrow.   Her head had banged the floor.   I raced for an ice bag, but she refused to hold it ...

 Our hospice nurse informed us today that mom’s time with us may be down to two to three weeks.   I’m so grateful for my precious brother David’s presence in the house.   His spirit is as infectious as it was when were younger.   As the baby of the house he was also the family clown.   He learned early that he could make us smile, and he has done a good job of making us smile through the years.   David has known his own heartbreak and heartache and I learned today that his encounters with my brother Richard were not as friendly as I’d always thought they were…and that made me sad that two boys could grow up in the same house, with the same parents and the same sister - the same love and the same rules – and turn out so totally different.   For whatever reason that happened, I am beyond grateful tonight for the love of my “little” brother (who’s a good 3 inches taller than I am)…for the respect he shows mom…for his tender heart.   He has brought a won...

   I found a great quote tonight by Dwight L. Moody when I was looking for something to start this blog.   He once said, “We talk about heaven being so far away. It is within speaking distance to those who belong there. Heaven is a prepared place for a prepared people.” I’ve not shared yet the wonderful gift my parents shared with us by making preparations for the end of their lives.   My parents could be the poster children for end-of-life preparation.   I’d like to share some of the things they did ahead of time that makes their departures easier for us to bear as their children.   It has allowed us to concentrate on our relationship instead of struggling through the unknowns. 1.      Both my parents have provided us the assurance that we will be together again in heaven.   The first and most important thing one can do in preparing for death is to be sure that you will stand before your Creator as His child.   You can only be...

My mind will not be still tonight.   It’s almost 1:00 a.m. and I find myself thinking about the “circle of life”.   I was her first child.   When I was pulled from her body I was wrapped in a blanket and placed in her arms.   She was my beginning.   She nurtured me and loved me.   She cared for me in my innocence and inability to care for myself.   She held me through my sorrows.   She diapered me and dressed me.   She made my bed.   She kept my nursery clean.   She fed me.   When I was sick she administered my medications.   And in that beginning…in those first couple of months…we lived the life that is now repeated – only we’ve switched roles.   I am loving her and doing all I can to nurture her.   I am caring for her in her inability to care for herself.   I am holding her when she’s sad.   I am caring for her personal needs and helping to dress her.   I am making her bed.   I am keeping h...