The Afternoon of Life

The Walls Have Ears The scenery has been perfect… The friendship has been perfect… The activities have been perfect… We’ve made it through Thursday… through Friday… through Saturday… and in the wee, wee hours of a Sunday morning as we just enjoy sitting close as friends both of us on computers --- the companionship that only true sister friends can feel --- the silence is broken! “Listen,” I say in a hushed whisper. “Oh – oh – oh – oh – oh – oh,” we hear from below the floor. She whispers back, “It’s a dog!” I shake my head, “No, no, no.   They’re either making love or watching pornography!” “Oh – (deep moan from him) – oh – oh – oh – (another of his deep moans) – ohhhhh,” each moan and gasp growing louder and more full of passion. The look on my friend’s face as she realizes with startling clarity that we are overhearing something that wasn’t meant for our ears…priceless! And she laughs out loud…un...

I will very gladly spend and be spent for your souls . . . —2 Corinthians 12:15 I just read today’s devotional thought in My Utmost for His Highest and how perfect it was for this trip that celebrates friendship at its best.   Last night I had a heart-to-heart with a dear, dear, dear friend and sister who has experienced loss and heartbreak and shame and guilt…all at the hands of someone who promised to love her for the rest of her life.   Her pain was like another person in the room…so real…so heavy…not a nice person. I didn’t invite him here and I wanted him to leave.   But…I learned an incredible lesson about friendship last night. Most people I know are “fair weather” friends who run at the sight of anything uncomfortable, confusing or scary.   I don’t think we do it for bad reasons.   I think sometimes we believe we need to shelter ourselves from the storm.   But last night I learned that those same “fair weather” friends, while protecting t...

Last night I dreamed about my parents.   It’s funny how some dreams are so vivid that they remain in your waking moments, and others seem to disappear but stay right on the edge of your mind and try as you might you cannot grasp them…sort of like that word that sits on the tip of your tongue but refuses to come out of your mouth.   Last night’s dream was vivid. Details I remember…I was a worship leader in a former church of my father.   It was the first Sunday for me to attempt to lead the service.   I was NOT the preacher…but I did everything else.   It was a wonderful service…a church-in-the-wildwood sort of church with uninhibited worship.   As I stood to begin the service, I could see my father’s outline through the frosted window on the door at the back of the sanctuary.   I smiled and let the people know that he and mom were coming in.   Everyone was thrilled to see them, but no one was more thrilled than I was.   As I lead mu...

THE STORM Hungering, dear Lord, for You to touch my heart today Following Your path, Lord, every step along the way Knowing, Lord, You’re holding me through all the storms and strife Here, Lord, in this silence I again give You my life. Dying now to self, Lord, it’s so difficult to do But knowing at the end, dear Lord, I will stand with You Makes learning to give in each time important every day I’m trying, Lord, with everything to learn to live Your way. You know, Lord, what it’s like to be condemned and scorned and wronged And when these happened I know for Your Father’s heart You longed And now inside my pain and sorrow I too want to be Protected, Lord, and sheltered, so I bow on bended knee…and cry     Reach Your hand out to me, Lord, and draw me close to You The waves are washing over me, I don’t know what to do I cry, Lord, and I’m frightened even though You’re standing near Will my feeble weakness ever truly disappe...

Recently I’ve been meeting with a “life coach”.     I’ve been at a crossroads in my life, precipitated by the deaths of my father and mother and leaving Enchante, the dinner theatre troupe I traveled with for several years.   My children have all left home and started their own families.   And somewhere in the middle of all of this I’ve felt like I lost myself.   I lost several important “roles” in my life…daughter, full-time mother, professional accompanist.   Stripping away the layers of the roles I’ve been playing, I was suddenly left with just me!   The me that has been flawed and broken and sad and lonely.   The me that found security in the knowledge that I could always find the answers to my questions just a phone call away.   The me that seems to mess up everything I try do correctly.   After months of mourning…mourning not just the loss of my parents but the loss of the me with which I had grown comfortably familiar…I came to t...

How do I pray for a friend who is dying of loneliness because her husband went home to heaven and left her behind?   Is there anything worse than being left behind? David wrote in Psalm 25:16:   “Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted.”   David knew where to turn in his loneliness.   I feel so helpless to offer encouragement to the many women I now know who have been left behind.   Their husbands did not leave them on purpose…God called them home.   And the same God that called them home knows that He left behind a broken heart.   So broken that He’s the only One that can help. An acquaintance once came to me during my time of brokenness.   My husband hadn’t died…but he *had* left me.   I remember the horror.    I remember the panic…the dry mouth…the quivering heart.   I can remember wanting to find a hole and crawl in it and curl up and just die.   But…I had children who needed me, and...

The magic number for my first week of trying to lose weight is -4 pounds!   I consider that a good number because my NutriSystem meals didn’t arrive until Thursday…so technically I didn’t really start seriously till then.   Also, we only had one night of working out at the YMCA.   We had the nicest trainer…Matt.   I was so embarrassed at what I could not do.   I’ve been fooling myself into believing that I wasn’t a total dweeb when it came to exercise, but I couldn’t do a lunge (because of a weak knee…but also because of the weight that poor knee has to bear).   And I couldn’t do one push-up…again…too much to push up!   BUT…on a positive note…I loved the machinery I worked on.   I did a sort of modified bike ride that moved both arms and legs for about ten minutes to warm up.   And there were several exercises I COULD do.   I enjoyed working with the large rubber bands (that’s what I call them…I’m sure there’s a real name for them). ...