The Marriage Mess
We're introduced to Mary in Luke 1, starting with the 26th verse. We hear her side of the story about the conception of Jesus. We see her willingness and submission to the message the angel brings. Brad pointed out that she was "fretting" over the events...wondering how it could happen since she was a virgin. Meanwhile, back at the farm, in Matthew 1:18-25 we learn that Joseph, in the midst of all the turmoil is (gasp) snoring away. But when the angel comes to Joseph, he responds in obedience and continues to be Mary's betrothed, giving up his plans to discreetly and quietly divorce her. This was a marriage that was a mess ... full of baggage from the get go. Have you ever thought YOUR marriage was a mess?
Brad spent some time explaining how marriage worked in Biblical times. The bride and groom's parents would have met and decided on a price for the bride. Yes...the bride actually had a "price". Bride's-to-be were young women (girls, actually). Mary was probably around the age of 14 when she was betrothed to Joseph. He was probably somewhere between 18-20. After all the arrangements were made, a public announcement would have been made by the parents. Joseph and Mary may not even have met until that time. The announcement would have been the fathers pledging their children to each other. Betrothal was as permanent as marriage and could only be ended by divorce. If man died before the wedding, the woman would be considered a widow...even before they were actually married. The betrothal period would last up to a year. It was a time for her purity to be proved...a period for him to prepare a house for them to share. At the end of the year a marriage supper would be held. It could last a whole week. The bride would not know when the groom was going to show up!
Nazareth was a small town of about 1600-2000 people (about the size of Salamanca). It is likely that everyone in town would show up at some point during the wedding feast. It was also likely that everyone in that little town knew everything about everyone else.
After dreaming of her wedding day and making plans for the feast, the event had to be cancelled for Joseph and Mary because of her "condition". Instead of a feast, they had to sneak off to Bethlehem for the census. Joseph was not "required" to take Mary along. But his love for her, or his total obedience to God, compelled him to take her with him and not leave her alone with the baby coming.
Things don't always go as planned. But remember...God is in charge of every situation. We know that after Joseph is mentioned in the visit to the temple which Jesus was 12, that we never hear of him again. We know that Mary became a single mother at some point to multiple children...probably not what she had planned for her life. She watched her son choose his "bigger" family over His own birth family when He said everyone was his brother and sister. She watched her son (knowing He was God's Son) stand accused of trouble-making and rabble-rousing...and she watched Him die on a cross. She certainly had not planned on these events. Everything had to have appeared very messy to her.
Brad then gives us the "practical" side of all this information...the place where the rubber meets the road in our lives.
1. The foundation of their marriage was not based in what they presented to each other.
----they thrived in the mess because they were held together by more than each other.
----motivation was in their relationship with God and what He was doing in each of their lives.
----these two were responding to the "truth" of their situation...and not responding to what might or might not have been being said to or about them. They had each other's back.
2. Their relationship together was founded on mutual spiritual commitment.
----they thrived in the mess because of their shared mutual commitment to God.
----both were growing in the same direction spiritually.
----this is a big deal...a huge deal...and should be a deal breaker when considering a spouse
----you need to value spiritual relationship inside the marriage...God needs to be part of your marriage.
3. Joseph accepted Mary for who she was.
----a woman can thrive in a mess WHEN SHE KNOWS SHE IS STILL LOVED (my emphasis)
----it's not about finding a perfect person - it's about loving a person in their imperfection (I love this point)
We know their situation was very messy because Joseph went to his hometown for the taxing, but he had to look for a rented room. Where was his family? They didn't have a "support system". Have *you* ever felt alone? When you feel that way do you move towards your mate or away from them?
4. Mary trusted Joseph's leadership.
----a man can thrive in a mess WHEN HE KNOWS HE'S STILL RESPECTED.
When God told Joseph to take Mary and Jesus to Egypt He didn't send a messenger to Mary. Prior to this time Mary had heard directly from God. At this point she looks at her husband and just says, "Okay." It was suggested (by Brad's wife) that maybe she was able to submit so easily to Joseph because she had always submitted to God.
Has your marriage ever been this much of a mess? Remember...MESS IS THE STUFF MIRACLES ARE MADE OF!
I've had a couple of thoughts about this sermon that I'll just share. In the Bible we're told "Mary found favor with God." I've found myself wondering...what did she do at that young an age to find favor with Him? And how amazing is it that she was living a life for God after God had been silent for 400 years. What a strong faith she had at such a young age. I suspect we're not told what she did because too many of us would choose to emulate her instead of God's Son.
And Joseph was a righteous man...when we're told that none are righteous in the Bible. How amazing that these two young people were living lives that pleased God enough that He could trust His Son to their care!
What does that mean for me? It's a lot to think about.
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