The Afternoon of Life

Today has had too much drama for me to cope with and I finally gave up and cried.   Mom got up in pain this morning from not being able to have a bowel movement since last Friday.   She insisted that I had to call the nurse to come and help her.   We had tried stool softener tablets…stool softener liquids…suppositories.   There was just no relief.   So I placed the call and the nurse promised that somehow she would work mom into her schedule before the day was out.   I gave mom an extra anxiety pill to help her rest until relief could come.   And I thought she was asleep.   Then my brother Richard…the difficult brother that I have had to make a choice to love because he doesn’t make it easy to love him…popped into the living room and announced, “I’m going south…to the beach…I need to clear my head…I’ll be back on Friday.”   Mom asked me to get him to call David and let him know where he was going, so I headed back to his room to make the req...

 I struggle this morning to understand why the end of a beautiful life has to be filled with indignities and embarrassment.   Mom has not made it to the bathroom on time a couple of times this week, including first thing this morning.   I could leave off this embarrassing and difficult detail, but it seems to be a regular end-of-life issue…and for some it begins long before the end of life.   I know Mom has talked about her feelings that Dad gave up after they put him in an adult diaper…he no longer wanted to live.   I mopped up after mom this morning, watching her sit in her chair with her head hanging down in shame and I reassured her that it was okay and that she had cleaned up after me for a couple of years when my life started, so I could handle this little task if it helped her.   I’ve watched her allow someone else to bathe her…the woman who hid from me in her closet when I was 23 and walked into her bedroom and caught her in her slip one day.   She...

Today I was blessed to receive the notes used for my dad’s funeral almost a year ago.   I knew that the sermon had seemed so perfect for the man who gave me life…the first true love of my life…the daddy that I knew and loved so much.   The notes were brief – fitting on a 5 x 8 sheet of paper.   Amazing that a person’s life could be summed up so well in such a brief way.   But Dad’s best friend, and a pastor that I have loved for a long time, Rev. Oda “Tuck” Roberts, truly hit the nail on the head as he spoke about my dad.   He titled the sermon, “Better Than He Thought” and built on the following outline, making reference to Philippians 1:3-6 and 2:3. Richard “Dick” Paige was 1.                   A better Christian than he thought:   saved, walked the walk, pure in thought. 2.                 ...

The end of life vs the beginnings of life Death vs birth Quiet vs overwhelming noise at times Mature wisdom vs out of the mouths of babes Serenity vs chaos at times Heat vs wonderful weather Dry vs rain Dry love vs warm love Kissing mom goodnight vs kissing Dan goodnight Lonely bed vs companionship in bed Long days vs days that fly by 16 yr old kitty vs mischievous kitten 15 yr old dog vs wags and licks and puppy kisses Somber vs joy Extended “family” family vs extended church family Friends vs friends Life at a standstill vs life on a merry-go-round God’s love vs God’s love God’s faithfulness vs God’s faithfulness God’s joy vs God’s joy His strength in my weakness vs His strength in my weakness His hope vs His hope The only thing that stays the same when times change is God.   He proves himself over and over again with sustaining grace to see us through every situation that comes...

My mother is writing her own obituary.   Is this odd?   I find myself torn because I know what I would say about her.   And it also makes me wonder…how would I write my own obituary?   Would I write who I’d like to be…or who I really am?   Are any of us truly who we’d like to be?   But if I were to write her obituary, how different would it be from her own.   Is this even morbid…I don’t really know.   I’ve never sat with a dying parent.   But she seems determined that it must be done so today I write my mother’s obituary…the woman I know.   And I’ll compare it soon to her rendition. …………………………………………. Mary Paige, beloved wife, mother, sister, aunt, teacher and friend, passed from the loving arms of her children into the Presence of her Savior and Lord, and back into the arms of her husband of 53 years, Rev. Richard E. Paige.   Her death followed an illness not of her choosing, but an illness that she bore gracefully and with stren...

I’m back in the town of my childhood and it feels so strange.   Did I really go to school here for six years?   So much is the same…so much has changed.   I think what saddens me is the lack of memories.   It seems I should have memories of a place I lived for six years.   High school should have left an indelible imprint on me.   But as I look back I remember how I didn’t fit in… ever.   I was the clutz…the blabbermouth…the socially inept dweeb, I think.   I do have fond memories of debate tournaments…of being allowed to “shine” by doing what I couldn’t do in the every day.   But where are the memories of every day?   I have a few.   I remember Mr. Stewart’s freshman science class because the students tormented him so much.    I remember being the only freshman to take typing in Mr. Roebuck’s class.   I got permission because I played piano…what a gift typing was.   I remember Mrs. McKee and Hilda Taylor’s Engl...

Sometimes love hurts so good.  It hurts when you know you're doing the right thing...even if it doesn't "feel" good.  Today is going to be a "walk by faith" day because walking by sight doesn't look so good.  Mom woke up feeling lower than I've ever seen.  We struggled through the morning and she did get up and get dressed because she had a doctor's appointment...but she insisted she did NOT want to go to the doctor's office.  Today is supposed to be the hottest day of the year...predicted high of 106.  I got to thinking about taking her out in the heat and really didn't want to have to take her if it wasn't necessary.  She also wanted to refuse her medications today.  I told her I couldn't make that decision because I was just her daughter not her nurse.  And then Nurse Sharon came to the rescue.  You have to love hospice nurses.  She was able to do the physical checking on the wound site that would have happened at the doctor...