My Friend Died Today



My friend died today…and again I face a grief that is so hard to swallow.  The grief is not for Rick.  Rick gave me a gift in life.  Whenever he was around I had a smile on my face – the kind of smile that makes your face hurt!  We had dinner together in September…Rick and Shawna – Dan and me.  We laughed.  We enjoyed Christian fellowship.  We laughed some more.  I shared with Dan that evening that I didn’t remember Rick being so friendly.  He was gregarious, charming, funny…the kind of person you want to go to dinner with.  And how he and Shawna loved and understood each other.  They never picked on each other or put each other down as many couples do these days.  It was just pure joy to enjoy an evening with them.

And therein lies my grief.  There’s no more “them”.  Shawna walks forward from this day without her high school sweetheart.  While Shawna and I spent most of our time together without our fellas, it was just a given that Dan and Rick would be waiting at home for us.  And I can’t imagine the loneliness that is already setting in for her.  She’ll never walk into his waiting arms again.  She’ll never see his funny smile.  There’ll be no more warmth from his side of the bed.  And more than that she’ll not have his hand to hold…the shared laughter that only he understood about her…those special things that only husbands and wives share.  And I grieve for her terrible loss!

However, in the midst of the grieving, I rejoice for Rick.  Rick has his miracle healing.  Just like mom, he’s moved from a body racked with pain to a perfect body that will last him for eternity.  I rejoice because I know that we will be again together in the future.  Dad and Mom and Rick will be there to welcome us when we go home.

But tonight I hurt.  I relive that horrible emptiness I felt when mom’s spirit left her body to join with God and Dad in heaven.  It’s all still too new and painful.  I haven’t been able to talk to her for three months and I ache to hear her voice.  How I would have loved to call her today to tell her that my DNA tests came back negative…that she didn’t pass the breast/ovarian cancer genes on to me…and I’ve not got them to pass on to my daughter and granddaughter.  Thank You, God, for that miracle.  But I don’t understand the why…why you took Rick but left me here.  So many people loved and depended on Rick.  And I deal again with the guilt of surviving when so many don’t.  Even though cancer is no longer a guaranteed death sentence for all, it’s still a death sentence for too many.

My friend died today…and I relive all the loss in my life.  I love Shawna so dearly and am committed to doing all I can to helping her through the next days and weeks and months and years.  I hate that tragedy draws people close…but I love that Shawna and I will be close forever.

Lord…tonight please give them peace that passes understanding.  Give them the comfort of Your Presence in every instance of the coming days.  Give Shawna the wisdom needed to make decisions that no one ever wants to make.  And, Lord…find me available to do all that can be done to love and encourage my precious friend.  Thank You for having a home ready for Rick.  Help us to remember his wonderful smile and the joy he brought to this world.  He made it a better place…He honored you.  May his “Well done” bring honor and glory to You!  Amen