Heartbreak in South Africa

                                                

We left Buffalo on Wednesday morning at 8:10…it’s now 6:00 p.m. on Friday evening in South Africa.  Not only have we traveled 8,000 miles in the past three days, we’ve also experienced some of the greatest heartbreak of our lives.

LeeAnne’s senior year in high school…2005-2006.  Stephen had a friend, a Native American “boy”, who needed a place to stay.  His disrespect and abuse of home privileges had led to his mother telling him to leave.  We had already know Sampson for a few years…and so we opened our home to him.  Rules:  no drugs and you have to stay in school and finish your senior year.  We had no idea how that year would turn out for Sampson, but he took the opportunity to make something “better” of his life and graduated with special awards and the opportunity to go to college.  To do so, he had to get “emancipated” from his family.  His mother wouldn’t sign his college financial papers.  He left that “family” only so he could become independent enough to qualify for college.  All he ever really wanted was to be loved and accepted by his family…but there was so much hurt and anger.  We drove Sampson back and forth to Finger Lakes College for a couple of years.  Then the demons of drugs showed up back in his life…and he got in trouble for distributing prescription drugs to other students.  He came back to Salamanca where he slipped in and out of our home a few times.  We tried to love him, encourage him and help him grow up…but sometimes all the trying in the world can’t fix a broken person.  Sampson went to church with us a few times and showed much interest in Christianity…he’d seen the difference in our family and our values.  I don’t know if Sampson accepted Christ as his Savior publicly…but privately he shared that he “knew” that Jesus was the Son of God and had died for his sins.  But the world continued to pull at Sampson…he had expensive tastes and a meager budget.  That pull eventually sent him to jail…where I visited with him and wiped the tears off his face.  He asked me one time if it was God’s will for him to go to jail.  I told him that God could work anything that happened to him for good in his life if he allowed God to do so.  Sampson was a broken boy who became a broken man…but he had a heart of gold and a desire to be someone better than he was.  I saw Sampson last week…out of jail…in love…trying so hard to put his life back in order.  He was happier and healthier than I’d seen him in a long time.  He was hurt because I told him I didn’t trust him…I still loved him but his actions had taught me that he wasn’t to be trusted and I hoped that soon that trust could be re-established.  He said he understood that it was his actions that had caused the rift…and he said that he knew I really loved him.  I hugged him that day and said, “Goodbye…I love you…I’ll see you when we get back in September.”

I won’t see Sampson in September.  He was found dead on the floor of the home he was staying in Thursday.  We arrived here in South Africa and my youngest son Steve, one of Sampson’s friends, called to share this heart-breaking news just a few hours after we arrived.  Tears…oh, yes.  Both Dan and I held each other as we mourned this broken “son” of ours.  I hurt now for my children Andy, LeeAnne and Steve who are so far away grieving the loss of their “brother”.  You see…we DID love Sampson and we DID accept him.  We didn’t do it for what he could give us.  We did it because we CHOSE to love him no matter what.  It was the kind of love the Bible teaches.  Patient…kind…that’s what love is.  It’s that kind of love that’s brought us to South Africa.

I lay awake a long time thinking of Sampson last night.  I thought of our many heart-to-hearts and the opportunity to see the heart of a young man when the rest of the world only wanted to see his actions.  I saw his hurt…his desire to help the world…his longing to be different…his love for his sister (who is as broken or more so than Sampson)…his desire to protect his little brother Levi from the same pain that he went through in his home…his incredible longing for his mother to just love him.  He trusted that God had something better in store for him.

Unfortunately, Sampson didn’t surround himself with people that could make his life better.  He did surround himself with hurting, broken people who were filling their lives up with substitutes that gave short-term relief but caused long-term problems.  Alcohol…not one of Sampson’s friends or relatives has a better life because of the alcohol they consume.  Cigarettes…no one has money to buy the things they want because their addiction to nicotine has them burning up their money (or stealing cigarettes from each other).  Drugs…marijuana…not going to hurt them…but absolutely a gateway for other drugs to come into their lives.  Why, oh, why does anyone think that these things make them “cool”…makes them “fit in”??? 

Sampson hurts no longer.  His desires are no longer there.  His mother will never know the true love that her son had for her.  His little brother will never know the guidance and friendship of a big brother who was concerned about him.  His friends will no longer have a “wallet” to reach for from a young man who would give the shirt off his back if needed.  And our family has lost a good – even if he was broken – son and brother who was a part of all our lives.  We will add a flower to our memorial garden and remember Sampson for a long time. 

Mostly we will remember the lessons from Sampson.  That even if someone doesn’t “deserve” to be loved they still “need” to be loved…love them.  Making room on the couch for someone to sleep never took anything away from our ability to be a family.  Anything that had “cost” to it (showers, electricity, patience, food) were never worth as much as sharing them with Sampson.  God’s word says we’re to share with others …and I have no regrets for sharing with and loving Sampson. 

So our journey to South Africa starts with heartbreak.  The excitement of arriving in this beautiful country and reuniting with Marcie and our other friends has been dampened with this great loss.  I plan to share the story of Sampson here.  I’d like all of you to find the song “In Heaven’s Eyes” and understand that God saw something in Sampson that many missed…how do you look at those around you?  Are you looking for what God sees…for what Jesus was willing to lay down his life?

I’m sorry if I sound “preachy”…well, truthfully…I’m not sorry for that.  I’m broken-hearted.  I’m angry at the waste of a perfectly good heart that was lead astray.  I’m furious with satan for deceiving so many.  But I’m holding on to the truth that God said He would be with me in the valley of the shadow of death.  I’m letting Him hold me and remind me that Sampson was His…He created Sampson…He protected Sampson through all the days of pain and sorrow and loss and rejection…and I am believing that Sampson now knows the Truth as Truth.

As mundane as this may seem…I do want to tell a little about our trip here.  At JFK airport we mistakenly left the terminal looking for a train to another terminal.  By the time we got where we needed to be I was having trouble moving…so I was given a wheelchair and a wonderful man who safely got us to our plane just in time to board.   While we were on the runway, the pilot announced that the AirBus 380 was landing on the right side of the plane (the newest BIGGEST plane to fly).  We arrived in Johannesburg where I was met with a wheelchair and “Simon”…one of the sweetest young men who kept insisting he wanted to give us “the best welcome” to South Africa.  Again…he swept us through passport check, past customs, and straight to our departing flight as it was boarding.  I was thrilled to get to Durban…where another wheelchair met us.  It’s been nice to be allowed to walk again (smile).  But 28 hours of airplane time wears on the body!

I was amazed at how familiar so many places seemed after a 4-year absence.  I recognized so many places on the drive to Marcie’s apartment.  We were there long enough to rearrange some of our packing and repack our overnight bags and set out for the Flickner’s.  Brian and Joyce Flickner are also missionaries/teachers here and they are in America where their son married last weekend.  Marcie is “house-sitting” and we are sharing their home for our first week here.  We’ll go back to Marcie’s on Sunday and pack again for next week.

Marcie has an “adventure” planned for us tomorrow…but she’s keeping it a surprise.  We actually slept till noon today (I was awake quite a bit last night).  I woke up knowing that whatever I do, I want every day to make a difference in someone’s life.  I never want to forget that Sampson allowed me to love him and know him enough to hurt because he’s lost.  He won’t be another young man who’s forgotten…he’ll be a young man who’s honored by my decision to love and accept others like him…the unloved, the broken, the hurting, the needy.  I refuse to turn a deaf ear like many in this world have done.  I choose to love…to give…to sacrifice.  I look at those words and I see a heart that wants to live like her Savior!

Pray for us.  Pray for our children.  Pray for Sampson’s family and friends.  Pray that the world will be different and not just go on and ignore the lessons of Sampson’s life and brokenness.  In heaven’s eyes there are no losers…only people like you…with feelings like me…and we’re amazed at the grace we can find…IN HEAVEN’S EYES.