The Afternoon of Life

 What happens when your heart is torn in two and you feel like you should be in two places at the same time?   I’m packed and ready to head back to Louisiana…will leave the house in the next half hour to catch a 6:00 a.m. flight out of Buffalo.   But everything in me is screaming that I need to be here.   Here to help my husband when he has knee surgery.   Here to help my grandson when he has heart surgery.   Here to watch my precious grandchildren grow…because they seem to change day by day.   And yet I’m equally drawn to be with mom…to calm her as much as I can…to assure her…to run my fingers through her hair…to hold her hand.   How is it possible that a heart can feel that it has two homes?   I thought my walk with cancer was a walk of trust in the Lord…but it was a piece of cake compared to this.   I am trusting God with all the people that I love the most…and I know that in His hands they’re in the best of care.   I recently wishe...

I traveled home on Friday, trying not to cry all the way.   It was so hard to leave Mom behind and not feel like I was abandoning her in her time of need.   These next two weeks will definitely be a walk of trust in the Lord because I have no other choice.   She is in His care...He will work through David and Richard and Aunt Edna and Aunt Margaret and Nancy to provide for mom’s care and needs...and I am trusting Him to provide the rest and guidance she needs for the next 15 days. I was greeted at the airport by Dan and two dear friends from church, Fran McCoy and Ginny Durst.   We had such a nice visit on the ride home.   These two people are so precious to me...part of my extended family, picked by hand from God to bless our lives.   They have been church pioneers...and are such an integral reason for the strength and depth at Sawyer Evangelical Church.   I pray that as I “age” I can do so as gracefully and with a love and strength to serve the Lor...

I've not blogged or posted notes this week because it's been a rather busy, if short, week.  We were up at 4:00 a.m. to head to the hospital Tuesday for mom's mastectomy surgery.  It was so different being on the "caregiver" side of the room.  No one wants someone they love to be nervous, frightened or hurt.  That's not what love is about.  As I watched mom that morning, lying so defenseless on that hospital gurney, I bowed my head next to her and asked God to give me her pain and fear.  It was gut-wrenching to watch her have the IV inserted...to watch her answer the same questions over and over again.  We had to be there at 5:30 a.m. and the doctor didn't even show up till after 7:30 a.m.  By then mom was growing frustrated.  If I've heard her say once, I've heard her say two dozen times since this started, "I just want this all to be over with!"  It was such a relief when the nurse gave her the "I-Don't-Care" shot that pre...

I looked up the definition of independence a few minutes ago.   I’m listening to Josh Groban sing at the Washington D.C. 4 th of July celebration.   Everything red – white – blue ... fireworks ... beautiful music.   What a blessed nation we are! Back to that definition:   Independence – (n) freedom from the control, influence, support, aid, or the like, of others.   Independent   - (adj) not influenced or controlled by others in matters of opinion, conduct, etc.; thinking or acting for oneself... not subject to another's authority or jurisdiction; autonomous; free: not influenced by the thought or action of others. Tonight, as America celebrates the special gift of independence , I look at my mother sitting across the room and ache because she will be surrendering her independence.   Her body, against her will, will take away her control as the cancer grows and takes charge.   She will be subject to the authority of doctors, nurse...

My Sunday school class at Sawyer is studying the letters written to the Thessalonians each Sunday.   Since I wasn’t able to go to church this morning, I decided to spend my Bible time studying the first chapter.   I’m blessed to have a John Maxwell Leadership Bible and I read through some of his notes in the introduction area.   Highlights from John Maxwell: ***People can live a tough today if they believe a terrific tomorrow is coming! ***Leaders must tailor their approach to the needs of the people. ***The more a leader loves the people, the easier it is to lead the people. Good Training According to Paul (from I Thessalonians 1) 1.          Training involves not only words, but also demonstration (v.5) 2.          Training transforms others when done with conviction (v.5) 3.          Training is remembered when the life of the trainer supports the me...

Why do people choose misery over joy? Why do we wallow in darkness instead of celebrating the Light in our lives? Why do people say things they don’t mean and then wonder why people’s feelings get hurt? Why do parents think it’s okay to treat their children with less respect than they treat other people? Why do I take things too personally? Why do I get discouraged when the Light is still the Light in my life? Why does satan know me so well and know where to turn the knife to cause the most pain? Why do I feel insignificant when I am a daughter of the King? Why is it difficult to put on the “armor” when we’re hurting? Why can’t I do the right thing when the right thing needs to be done? Why does mom want to make this all about me and my brothers when it’s all about her? Why is helping someone so hard sometimes? Why do I have to be the parent to a parent who doesn’t want a parent? Why does God choose not to reveal the future to us...will it scare us too much? Why do I feel so lonely ton...