Home, Sweet Home

I traveled home on Friday, trying not to cry all the way.  It was so hard to leave Mom behind and not feel like I was abandoning her in her time of need.  These next two weeks will definitely be a walk of trust in the Lord because I have no other choice.  She is in His care...He will work through David and Richard and Aunt Edna and Aunt Margaret and Nancy to provide for mom’s care and needs...and I am trusting Him to provide the rest and guidance she needs for the next 15 days.

I was greeted at the airport by Dan and two dear friends from church, Fran McCoy and Ginny Durst.  We had such a nice visit on the ride home.  These two people are so precious to me...part of my extended family, picked by hand from God to bless our lives.  They have been church pioneers...and are such an integral reason for the strength and depth at Sawyer Evangelical Church.  I pray that as I “age” I can do so as gracefully and with a love and strength to serve the Lord like these two who have “gone before” and been “found faithful”.

Dan and I enjoyed a quiet time at home on Friday.  He had made arrangements that we would have a whole evening to ourselves...without children or grandchildren.  I didn’t think I was really happy about that.  My kids and grandkids have been an extension of who I am for over a quarter of a century.  But his wisdom and deep love for me became apparent when we moved into Saturday and Sunday and didn’t have a moment of peace without the grandbabies...or their wonderful parents...for two whole days (which will turn into a week now of wonderful interaction with all of them).  Words cannot describe the feeling that came over me when Andy put Shannon into my arms on Saturday morning.  What a beautiful baby she is still...strong...sweet... and the epitome of “life”.  It was a surreal feeling to move from caring from my dying mother to holding that sweetheart who is just beginning her life.  My heart was restored with joy and peace and life in that first instance that she lay in my arms.  She’s a very alert little thing and spent quite a bit of the day awake and watching and making sweet new baby noises.  She fits just right and cuddles and is truly a breath of fresh air after the trauma of this past month and the emotional roller coaster ride I’ve been on. 

Later in the day Saturday LeeAnne dropped by with Holden and I had a perfect gammy moment.  As she came around the door from the kitchen into the living room area, Holden saw me.  When I said, “Look who’s at my house,” he couldn’t get out of her arms fast enough.  He literally ran to the chair were I was sitting and wrapped his delicious little boy arms around my neck, holding on as if he would never let go.  I finally got him unwrapped and sat him next to me in the chair.  He spontaneously got up a couple of times to give me an unsolicited hug and kiss...and we both sat together for a while...just plain content in each other’s company.  I got to visit with Andy, LeeAnne and Steve before the day was through and every visit brought healing and restoration to my very tired spirit.

And what a joy to go to “my” church yesterday to worship the Lord.  As Pastor Brad spoke about baptism and its significance, I remembered back to that moment when I was baptized.  I thought of how Jesus was baptized to signify the beginning of His ministry...to show that He was going to truly be about His Father’s business.  Am I about my Father’s business?  Am I doing what He created me to do?  Is ministry to my husband, children and grandchildren all He asks of me?  I find myself wondering and praying and asking the Holy Spirit to guide and show me what God would have me do as part of His Kingdom work.  I want to be obedient to His will for my life.

Orlando and Roman came by yesterday afternoon (Sunday) and Orlando gave me another gammy moment.  He’d fallen asleep in the car on the way over, but when I saw Roman and said, “Who’s at MY house?” Orlando shot off the couch and climbed quickly in my chair and sat next to me.  Roman wasn’t quite so sure who I was...but this morning he has snuggled with me in the chair while Orlando’s been asleep on the couch.  So we’re getting reacquainted and I think he’s decided I’m okay.

The “fun” begins today as I start putting together my “physical” materials for VBS.  I purchased poster board and construction paper yesterday and will begin cutting out water drops and bubbles to make the Bible room look like a car wash (smile).  I’ll be making pennants to hang on the room of the Missions Classroom...dear Tommie has already put together a set of “lockers” to make the room look more like a school room.  I’ve always loved the “hands on” part of VBS.  After working so diligently on writing the Bible and Missions and Memory Verse portions, this will be some fun...and much easier.  I am hoping these two weeks will pass quickly so that I can be back with mom...not because I want to be away from here, but because I want to be with her offering any comfort I can. 

Coming home has been a reminder that there WILL BE life after death here.  I will come home after mom leaves for heaven...come home to a wonderful husband and friend...to children that I am proud of...to grandchildren I adore.  And mom will move forward to a perfect life with a perfect Savior...in the arms of her perfect husband...with perfect friends and family who’ve gone on before.  It is that hope of perfection...of home, sweet home...that comforts in this time of emotional turmoil and grief.  I’ve never before grieved a loss before the actual loss.  I’m not sure if it’s helpful or not.  But it is what it is and I will be content with the love of the Lord, the love of my husband, the love of my children, the love of my grandchildren and the love of friends who help to carry the burden of the loss we face. 

Thank You, Lord, that you have prepared a home for us.  Thank You for the family and friends who will help to comfort as we say a temporary goodbye to Mom.  Thank You for loving us in our sin...for dying for us to pay the price for that sin...for welcoming us into the family...and for giving us a hope when circumstances seems hopeless.  I love You, Lord!