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Richard's Arrest

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As if the hurt of watching my mother die is not enough to break my heart, today I watched my brother Richard get arrested, hand-cuffed and led away by police after I had to call them.   A day that started out well turned to disaster because of his temper…and I feel so broken tonight for a brother who may never know how much he is loved.   Richard got up this morning and mowed the backyard…what a pleasant surprise.   Around 1:00 I heard something hitting the front window and wondered if it was raining, till I realized he had turned on the sprinkler.   Mom heard it too.   “Go tell your brother to turn off that water.   The lawn is already dead.   I don’t want to waste that money.”   I stepped out front and relayed her message exactly as she’d said it.   He lumbered by saying, “The lawn is not dead.   I know what I’m doing.   I watered the back lawn and it’s nice and green now.”   So I went back in the house and shared his words...
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Another Birthday...but, oh, so different from a year ago!

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I really don't remember having a birthday last year.  My daughter told me tonight that while lying in bed I ate some birthday cake with her.  Why can't I remember that?  Is it because I'm getting old?  Or is it because God has been helping to block the painful memories of last year from my mind?  I was sooooo sick at this time last year....bald as a baby's butt.....wasn't eating much because nothing had flavor (except tomatoes)... and sleeping, sometimes for days at a time.  I'd been in the hospital in the middle of November for much-needed blood transfusions...I would go to the hospital for more transfusions before December ended.  I just don't recall much of it.  It all seems like a dream now.  But I do remember then that it felt like a nightmare and I thought I needed to resign myself to never feeling good again...never having energy.  But God is still in the miracle business and used the doctors and nurses at Roswell to heal my body....
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Now What?

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Recently I’ve been meeting with a “life coach”.     I’ve been at a crossroads in my life, precipitated by the deaths of my father and mother and leaving Enchante, the dinner theatre troupe I traveled with for several years.   My children have all left home and started their own families.   And somewhere in the middle of all of this I’ve felt like I lost myself.   I lost several important “roles” in my life…daughter, full-time mother, professional accompanist.   Stripping away the layers of the roles I’ve been playing, I was suddenly left with just me!   The me that has been flawed and broken and sad and lonely.   The me that found security in the knowledge that I could always find the answers to my questions just a phone call away.   The me that seems to mess up everything I try do correctly.   After months of mourning…mourning not just the loss of my parents but the loss of the me with which I had grown comfortably familiar…I came to t...
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