Praying for My Dear Friend

How do I pray for a friend who is dying of loneliness because her husband went home to heaven and left her behind?  Is there anything worse than being left behind?

David wrote in Psalm 25:16:  “Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted.”  David knew where to turn in his loneliness.  I feel so helpless to offer encouragement to the many women I now know who have been left behind.  Their husbands did not leave them on purpose…God called them home.  And the same God that called them home knows that He left behind a broken heart.  So broken that He’s the only One that can help.

An acquaintance once came to me during my time of brokenness.  My husband hadn’t died…but he *had* left me.  I remember the horror.   I remember the panic…the dry mouth…the quivering heart.  I can remember wanting to find a hole and crawl in it and curl up and just die.  But…I had children who needed me, and their need exceeded my loss.  In the depths of despair I could only cry out like David did…and God heard my prayers.

Job knew what it was to be so broken he wanted to die.  Job 17:1 says:  “My spirit is broken, my days are cut short, the grave awaits me.”  Job had lost hope.  And Job knew loss…his wife was gone…his children were gone…all that he owned had been taken from him.  But the same God who inspired the writing of Job’s story also prompted David to write in Psalm 34:18:  “The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”  In the depths of despair, I can only ask that God would save my dear friends who are truly crushed in spirit.

These dear ladies who I love so deeply need to learn from David.  In some of his deepest despair he not only turned to the Lord but continued to lift His name.  Psalm 51:15-17 says, “Open my lips, Lord, and my mouth will declare your praise.  You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it; you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.  My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart you, God, will not despise.”  I believe from having walked alongside these beautiful, strong -  incredibly more capable than they think – women, there is no despair, no loss, no loneliness and no brokenness that equals the loss of a spouse…expected or unexpected. 

And maybe the greatest heartbreak is to watch these unprepared women have to cope with the red tape and financial disaster and insurance debacle and funeral details in the midst of shock and despair.  I’ve walked with them through seasons of pain…seasons of anger…seasons of darkness…seasons of despair.  I’ve even watched one dear friend die from her broken heart only eight weeks after she lost her mate.  Her despair was more than she could live with.

So, Lord, I come to you tonight with a heart heavy with the pain I share with my dear sister who walks tonight in a place she’s never been before.  You, Lord, are her strength.  You are her comfort.  You are her peace.  But the darkness threatens to swallow her.  The pain makes her heart want to stop beating.  Her despair shows in her words, Lord.  And only You can understand such despair, for You surely must have felt it when Your Son was on the cross.  Even knowing what He would face, You had never felt such pain before.  The closest thing to it must have been when Adam disobeyed and You lost the perfect fellowship with him that You had shared.  I hate to think that You feel pain, but I know that You do, for You have inspired writers to tell us that You know our pain.  Those same writers have told us, Lord, that You can change our tears into songs of joy.  Tonight I pray that a song of joy would break through the darkness to remind my dear sister of Your faithfulness…of Your promises to care for her…of Your deep, deep abiding in her soul where darkness cannot penetrate.

I know nothing else to do with my inadequacy to help her, Lord…but I do the very best thing I can in turning her pain, her loneliness and her despair over to You.  You, Lord, are the only Healer for this kind of pain.  Remind her, Lord, that You are True and Faithful.  Hold her, comfort her, gather her into the palm of Your hand.

And Lord…if there’s something more that I should do for her, please give me the wisdom to do Your will in this situation.  You know I love her, Lord…and I know You love her.  Help her know that although she’s lost the love of her life, she has not lost love.

Amen!