A Refreshing Shower

 

3:30 a.m. and mom comes into the living room, whimpering, moaning...when asked about her pain level she says softly, "I'm not hurting...I'm just scared."  I move from daddy's chair so she can have it...I get her some pain medication...I get her a glass of cold water...and then I try to get comfortable on the couch that's just not long enough for me.  She says, "I don't know if I can get back to sleep" and I promise I'll stay awake and keep her company.  I'm relieved when 5:00 a.m. comes and she's finally resting...I have no problem closing my eyes and falling back to sleep.  I wake only 2 hours later and get up to read the Scriptures and catch up on e-mail.  She is sleeping soundly in "her" chair...kitty planted on her lap.  It's nice to see her rest and she wakes refreshed, almost unaware that she had been struggling just a few hours earlier.  Our morning is pleasant...reading magazines and talking about what we see.  I've discovered something...keep her mind off her "situation" and she's much more cheerful and better able to cope.  Aunt Edna shows up at 11 and I race to meet my precious cousin Nancy who lets me use the lunch hour to unload...and I do.  I come back home feeling more refreshed than I've felt since I arrived.  I don't feel like I'm on the edge of tears...what a blessing.

We head to Monroe for radiation.  She asks on the way if I can come in with her and help her get up because it hurt her back to get off the table yesterday.  When I ask at the front desk if I can go in to help her get up less painfully, the nurse says, "No.  We have people in the room for that.  She has two people to help her."  She's already headed to the back and turns to ask, "Lauren, aren't you coming too."  I shake my head and say, "I'm not allowed."  But the sweet technician next to her says, "Absolutely you can come" so I head to the room to watch them lay her down on a table...identical to the table I laid on for my radiation treatment last summer.  They put the triangle shaped pillow under her knees...just like my technicians did for my sessions.  It was a bit surreal.  I left the room with the technicians and could see the pictures of her femur and then a few minutes her spine.  I could see the white shadows of the tumors...inside my mother...taking her away from me.  And I had to pretend I didn't see what I saw...and go back in that room to put my right arm under her neck and wrap my left arm under her right arm to lift and turn her gently.  I love that there's something..anything...I can do to really help her. We met with the social worker and nutritionist afterwards.  I have to let her eat as little as she wants...but encourage her to supplement with Boost so we can get some calories in her.

The evening has gone well.  We completed a myriad of pages for her upcoming oncologist visit.  We've watched a little TV together.  She's had calls and visits again today.  We're starting to get into a "routine" that makes us both comfortable.  The news is on now and she'll head to bed soon.  Since I've written this early tonight, I might get to go to sleep too.

I forgot one of the nicest things that happened today.  When we left for her appointment it was 96 degrees outside...melting temperature.  As we drove the 30 miles to the hospital, the clouds began to thicken.  When I walked out of the cancer center an hour later I wanted to just stand with my arms spread wide.  The wind was blowing and there was such a contrast in temperature...I think about 20 degrees cooler.  We drove the last five miles home through a wonderful downpour...and the whole evening has felt better.  Yesterday at this time the heat index was 93 degrees...right now it's 74 outside...so much more tolerable!

I would rank today the best one yet...the mountain is becoming smaller as we move away from that horrible day of announcement.  Her spirits have been so much better for such a longer period.  She's only taken 2 pain pills since 4 this morning.  BUT...if she isn't able to move her bowels by tomorrow we may be back in the hospital...tomorrow morning at 9:30 she'll have gone 120 hours without movement...so pray that she can "go" so we don't have to "go" back to the hospital (smile).