Saying Goodbye
My mother was beautiful. She was not perfect…heaven knows the many times she fell short of perfection. But in the final moments that her “shell” was with us her beauty showed. It showed in the 30+ family members that showed up for her funeral. It showed in the 300+ guests that came to the funeral, all with something special to say about their interaction with my mother…and my father. You see, mom’s beauty was something that welled up from inside of her. It showed up in the encouragement she gave to others. It showed up in her ability to inspire others to greater things. It showed up in the sermon of her life…of her love for God, for her husband, for her children and for her friends. One thing that wasn’t mentioned was her service to others…working in her retirement years as a sponsor for World Changers and helping with Disaster Relief. There was a lot of laughter at her funeral and at the graveside…laughter that she would have appreciated. Mom wasn’t what I’d call a “happy” person, but she did appreciate good humor. She would have been pleased at the kind words that were shared about her.
I was blessed during the funeral to have Holden in my lap. It’s difficult to get upset when you are holding a gift from God in your lap…a gift that brings so much joy to life. I must share a little about Holden’s activities on funeral day. He was dressed in a beautiful little shirt and tie and dress pants and dress shoes, looking oh so grown up. He was full of 4-year-old energy. He walked in with the family, holding my hand. He was a little restless early in the service, 4-year-old wiggles and curiosity about all that was happening. But he was being relatively quiet, so all was well. He was entranced by the singing of Tim Post as he shared, “I’ve Just Seen Jesus”…and I was covered in goose bumps knowing that mom was in the Presence of our Lord as the song was sung. Then mom’s pastor, Mike Holloway, read the obituary. He mentioned the children and their spouses, the grandchildren and their spouses, and then he listed the great grandchildren: Holden, Orlando, Luke, Roman and Shannon. At this point Holden raised his hand hi and shouted, “Hi!” That brought the house down a bit (smile). That was the only sound Holden would make during the service. During the singing of “How Great Thou Art” he relaxed against my chest and fell sound asleep. I held my sleeping grandson as I said goodbye to my mother who would sleep forever here on earth. I felt him breathing against me as I struggled with the fact that she would breathe no more. I felt his warmth and coziness, a sharp contrast to the coolness and stiffness of her body. He has so much life before him…all of her life here on earth was behind her. I listened as Bro. Tuck Roberts, best friend of my parents for 39 years, shared of his love for my mother and the impact she’d had on his life…and on ours. She was a good woman… she was a good mother…she was a good grandmother…she was a good friend…and she was a good teacher (in this category I think the word “great” might apply). We had her Bible opened to Proverbs 31 in her casket…a fitting Scripture passage for mom.
A good woman is hard to find, and worth far more than diamonds. Mom was a one of a kind jewel!
Her husband trusts her without reserve, and never has reason to regret it. Dad sang her praises more than anyone I know and trusted her implicitly.
Never spiteful, she treats him generously all her life long. I do not remember my mother ever treating my father spitefully, and she cared wonderfully for him in his last years…not perfectly, and sometimes worn out…but wonderfully till the end.
She shops around for the best yarns and cottons, and enjoys knitting and sewing. My mother was a bargain-hunter extraordinaire…using coupons and watching for special sales. She shopped in bulk when she could. The word “frugal” is a great word to describe her.
She's like a trading ship that sails to faraway places and brings back exotic surprises. Mom was not one to travel the world, but she did a great job of bringing the beautiful things of the world to us. She lived to teach us all that she could pass on.
She's up before dawn, preparing breakfast for her family and organizing her day. Some of my fondest childhood memories are of waking to find mom busy in the kitchen…pancakes (sometimes shaped like Mickey Mouse), toast with peanut butter and bananas, poached or soft-boiled eggs, oatmeal with a scoop of ice cream on it…she was wonderful at starting our day off right. She had her days planned well and I really have few memories of her sitting and relaxing until much later in life.
She looks over a field and buys it, then, with money she's put aside, plants a garden. My mother was not one to purchase land, but she was one to “put aside” money. She taught students how to save and she practiced what she preached. She also loved the fruits of hard work in the garden. I have some rather unpleasant memories of helping her in the garden. The joy of gardening never managed to make it through to my heart…but mom loved her garden. She grew up on a farm with a father who cultivated 80 acres of land. Gardening was life to her…it was a pain to me and my brothers.
First thing in the morning, she dresses for work, rolls up her sleeves, eager to get started. She senses the worth of her work, is in no hurry to call it quits for the day. In cleaning up mom’s house I’ve discovered a treasure trove of commendations from bosses and co-workers that show she was appreciated for her hard work. Many people commented on her work ethic and willingness to always be available to meet any need.
She's skilled in the crafts of home and hearth, diligent in homemaking. Mom made our home comfortable and beautiful. She used her sewing skills to accessorize the house. She brought beautiful things into our home and it was a place we could come to rest.
She's quick to assist anyone in need, reaches out to help the poor. Mom’s father set the example for serving others and mom certainly followed that example. We’ve had children and family’s stay with us when they needed a place to stay. She gave to the needy and served the needy. Her example has been easy to follow.
She doesn't worry about her family when it snows; their winter clothes are all mended and ready to wear. My mother was a seamstress and as a child she made almost all my clothing. How I longed for something “store-bought”. Now I’d do anything to have the quality clothing that she sewed for me as a child.
She makes her own clothing, and dresses in colorful linens and silks. I showed Dan a picture yesterday of my mother that was made when I was seven or eight years old. I remember the day my mother came down the stairs in the beautiful dress she’d made for a special occasion. I remember wondering if my mom was a princess when I saw her dressed so exquisitely. She could do magical things with some material and thread.
Her husband is greatly respected when he deliberates with the city fathers. My father’s name is a good name and part of the respect he earned was because he “married up”, according to him. Mom was part of Dad’s ability to be successful, and he never tired of crediting her as his “better half” and letting folks know what she meant to him and how he helped her.
She designs gowns and sells them, brings the sweaters she knits to the dress shops. Her clothes are well-made and elegant, and she always faces tomorrow with a smile. Putting mom’s things away and preparing to donate her clothing I was impressed with the simple elegance of her style. She was not one to “show off” in any way, but she had a reserved and simple style that, I believe, highlighted her inner beauty and made people notice her…not that she was looking for notice.
When she speaks she has something worthwhile to say, and she always says it kindly. I can’t truthfully say that she “always” said things kindly. Mom could be sharp and cause pain with her words on occasion, and if I were to find fault in anything with mom it would be in her inability to admit she might be wrong and apologize for something. I will say this, she made things right with me during these past three months and I thank God for the time we had together to know that we each loved the other.
She keeps an eye on everyone in her household, and keeps them all busy and productive. Mom must have really taken this verse to heart because she certainly worked to keep us all busy and productive. I believe she grew up in a busy and productive home, but her farming background did not really prepare her for the life of being wife to an Air Force sergeant and a pastor. However, she adapted as best she could and found lots of things for us to do…not that we really appreciated her for it.
Her children respect and bless her; her husband joins in with words of praise: "Many women have done wonderful things, but you've outclassed them all!" While we were not always quick with praise, we did praise her in many ways. I’ve discovered that she saved many of the letters I’d written her in the past 13 years since moving to NY…how I wish I’d written more. But my letters to her were full of apologies as I grew and began to understand why she’d done the things she’d done as our mother. It’s funny how motherhood gives you a different perspective of your own mother. I’m grateful that I not only had the time to make apologies but that I’d actually done it. She needed to know that the battle she’d fought for us and against us was truly a battle worth fighting.
Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades. The woman to be admired and praised is the woman who lives in the Fear-of-God. Give her everything she deserves! Festoon her life with praises! Mom’s life was certainly a life that could be admired and praised. She did live with an awesome respect for God and attempted to follow His leading in her life to the very end.
Her husband trusts her without reserve, and never has reason to regret it. Dad sang her praises more than anyone I know and trusted her implicitly.
Never spiteful, she treats him generously all her life long. I do not remember my mother ever treating my father spitefully, and she cared wonderfully for him in his last years…not perfectly, and sometimes worn out…but wonderfully till the end.
She shops around for the best yarns and cottons, and enjoys knitting and sewing. My mother was a bargain-hunter extraordinaire…using coupons and watching for special sales. She shopped in bulk when she could. The word “frugal” is a great word to describe her.
She's like a trading ship that sails to faraway places and brings back exotic surprises. Mom was not one to travel the world, but she did a great job of bringing the beautiful things of the world to us. She lived to teach us all that she could pass on.
She's up before dawn, preparing breakfast for her family and organizing her day. Some of my fondest childhood memories are of waking to find mom busy in the kitchen…pancakes (sometimes shaped like Mickey Mouse), toast with peanut butter and bananas, poached or soft-boiled eggs, oatmeal with a scoop of ice cream on it…she was wonderful at starting our day off right. She had her days planned well and I really have few memories of her sitting and relaxing until much later in life.
She looks over a field and buys it, then, with money she's put aside, plants a garden. My mother was not one to purchase land, but she was one to “put aside” money. She taught students how to save and she practiced what she preached. She also loved the fruits of hard work in the garden. I have some rather unpleasant memories of helping her in the garden. The joy of gardening never managed to make it through to my heart…but mom loved her garden. She grew up on a farm with a father who cultivated 80 acres of land. Gardening was life to her…it was a pain to me and my brothers.
First thing in the morning, she dresses for work, rolls up her sleeves, eager to get started. She senses the worth of her work, is in no hurry to call it quits for the day. In cleaning up mom’s house I’ve discovered a treasure trove of commendations from bosses and co-workers that show she was appreciated for her hard work. Many people commented on her work ethic and willingness to always be available to meet any need.
She's skilled in the crafts of home and hearth, diligent in homemaking. Mom made our home comfortable and beautiful. She used her sewing skills to accessorize the house. She brought beautiful things into our home and it was a place we could come to rest.
She's quick to assist anyone in need, reaches out to help the poor. Mom’s father set the example for serving others and mom certainly followed that example. We’ve had children and family’s stay with us when they needed a place to stay. She gave to the needy and served the needy. Her example has been easy to follow.
She doesn't worry about her family when it snows; their winter clothes are all mended and ready to wear. My mother was a seamstress and as a child she made almost all my clothing. How I longed for something “store-bought”. Now I’d do anything to have the quality clothing that she sewed for me as a child.
She makes her own clothing, and dresses in colorful linens and silks. I showed Dan a picture yesterday of my mother that was made when I was seven or eight years old. I remember the day my mother came down the stairs in the beautiful dress she’d made for a special occasion. I remember wondering if my mom was a princess when I saw her dressed so exquisitely. She could do magical things with some material and thread.
Her husband is greatly respected when he deliberates with the city fathers. My father’s name is a good name and part of the respect he earned was because he “married up”, according to him. Mom was part of Dad’s ability to be successful, and he never tired of crediting her as his “better half” and letting folks know what she meant to him and how he helped her.
She designs gowns and sells them, brings the sweaters she knits to the dress shops. Her clothes are well-made and elegant, and she always faces tomorrow with a smile. Putting mom’s things away and preparing to donate her clothing I was impressed with the simple elegance of her style. She was not one to “show off” in any way, but she had a reserved and simple style that, I believe, highlighted her inner beauty and made people notice her…not that she was looking for notice.
When she speaks she has something worthwhile to say, and she always says it kindly. I can’t truthfully say that she “always” said things kindly. Mom could be sharp and cause pain with her words on occasion, and if I were to find fault in anything with mom it would be in her inability to admit she might be wrong and apologize for something. I will say this, she made things right with me during these past three months and I thank God for the time we had together to know that we each loved the other.
She keeps an eye on everyone in her household, and keeps them all busy and productive. Mom must have really taken this verse to heart because she certainly worked to keep us all busy and productive. I believe she grew up in a busy and productive home, but her farming background did not really prepare her for the life of being wife to an Air Force sergeant and a pastor. However, she adapted as best she could and found lots of things for us to do…not that we really appreciated her for it.
Her children respect and bless her; her husband joins in with words of praise: "Many women have done wonderful things, but you've outclassed them all!" While we were not always quick with praise, we did praise her in many ways. I’ve discovered that she saved many of the letters I’d written her in the past 13 years since moving to NY…how I wish I’d written more. But my letters to her were full of apologies as I grew and began to understand why she’d done the things she’d done as our mother. It’s funny how motherhood gives you a different perspective of your own mother. I’m grateful that I not only had the time to make apologies but that I’d actually done it. She needed to know that the battle she’d fought for us and against us was truly a battle worth fighting.
Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades. The woman to be admired and praised is the woman who lives in the Fear-of-God. Give her everything she deserves! Festoon her life with praises! Mom’s life was certainly a life that could be admired and praised. She did live with an awesome respect for God and attempted to follow His leading in her life to the very end.
So I’ve said goodbye to her. Final pictures have been made. She has closed her eyes for the last time. But she leaves an imprint on the lives of those who knew and loved her and she lives on in those lives. Many will act towards others and not be aware that they do so because she lived the example in front of them. I’m grateful for the many who came to love her and by loving her loving us in these last days.
A final note: as we left the church to make our way to the graveside I started to comment to Dan about the number of cars that were broken down on the side of the road…till I realized that it was all the cars pulling over out of respect for the deceased and the family of the deceased. Eighteen-wheelers stopped. The UPS truck stopped. In the fifteen or so miles to the cemetery, there was not one vehicle that didn’t pull over. There are not words to describe the great honor we felt for our mother in that simple action and I want to remind my readers that you gift the family of the deceased when you honor the funeral procession. It is a final act of respect…and it blesses the receivers incredibly.
For those of you who have read these blogs through this process and left me wonderful comments of praise and prayer, thank you. I shared with someone that the main reason I blogged all of this is because there was no one here to talk to and I needed to get some things out of my system. Thank you for your patience and kindness and most of all for those prayers that sustained us. We are in the process of wrapping up memories and boxing up items to be donated to charity, at mom’s request. Dan and I hope to head home sometime in the next couple of days. Home sounds good. I have loved being in Ruston…loved it so much that we are hoping to buy this little house and make it our home away from home. But home is where my children and grandchildren are now…it’s where my extended church family is…it’s where my dog and cats are… it’s where my beautiful mountains and river are. And I look forward to heading that direction. Please continue to pray for our safety as we travel home.
I will continue to blog…maybe not as often as I’ve blogged through this time in my life. But I’ve found something healing in taking time to pen what I’m dealing with. Somehow putting it on paper makes it more manageable … it keeps it down to size (even when the size of some blogs, like this one, seem to go on and on forever).
Goodbye, Mom. Thank you for your faithfulness to God, for your faithfulness to Dad, for your faithfulness to us and for your faithfulness to the countless friends who have known and loved you. We will all miss you!!! But…we’ll catch up soon together!
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