And Now The End Is Near



Our hospice nurse informed us today that mom’s time with us may be down to two to three weeks.  I’m so grateful for my precious brother David’s presence in the house.  His spirit is as infectious as it was when were younger.  As the baby of the house he was also the family clown.  He learned early that he could make us smile, and he has done a good job of making us smile through the years.  David has known his own heartbreak and heartache and I learned today that his encounters with my brother Richard were not as friendly as I’d always thought they were…and that made me sad that two boys could grow up in the same house, with the same parents and the same sister - the same love and the same rules – and turn out so totally different.  For whatever reason that happened, I am beyond grateful tonight for the love of my “little” brother (who’s a good 3 inches taller than I am)…for the respect he shows mom…for his tender heart.  He has brought a wonderful wife into our family and she, too, has brought joy to my parents.  He talked to mom today about heaven and about Dad and we enjoyed seeing a soft smile on her face that only comes when Dad is the subject of conversation.

Mom has a very dear friend who has come by three days this week to sit by her side and watch “Jeopardy”.   Tracie has made mom smile, made mom laugh, helped mom remember and has reached out to find anything that can help mom…a cherry slush, lifesavers or peppermints (to disguise the taste of her nasty liquid morphine)…cheerful flowers to brighten the room, a “tennis ball” message that mom could appreciate.  And if loving mom wasn’t enough, Tracie provided dinner for my brother and me yesterday…ham, purple hull peas (my personal favorite), cornbread and fresh blueberry “dump” cake.  Her love for mom has spilled over on to us and it’s that kind of love that I pray I will take from this experience to spread to others. 

Many have expressed how “helpless” they feel when they are around someone who is dying…not knowing what to say or do.  I would suggest that one way you can show love to that person is to take care of their caregiver.  The caregiver often carries the brunt of performing tasks for the dying family member…giving meds, up during the night, taking care of the home, making contacts…and it is very easy for the caregiver to not take care of themselves.  You gift the dying person by providing encouragement and practical helps that enable them to give their undivided attention to the patient.  I have an aunt who has come to sit with mom so I could get away from the house for short amounts of time…I can’t express what a gift this has been to both my mother and me.  Another aunt has dropped dinner off a couple of times when I couldn’t leave the house…another gift.  A dear cousin helped to get the ball rolling in all of this by caring for mom when she was first hospitalized, before we could get here to be with her.  The dear women of mom’s churches who have dropped off meals, trying to tempt her to eat as her appetite waned.  The pastors who have regularly stopped by to pray with mom and let her know that she is remembered.  And even though the hospice members are “paid” for their service, they’ve gone beyond the call of duty and shared hugs and prayers and encouragement that no amount of money can pay for.  A dear friend in New York called to check on me…others have mailed cards and letters.  To the person doing the task it may seems small and insignificant…but to the person I the receiving end I am here to tell you that God uses your “fish and loaves” gift and blesses it and huge amounts of encouragement and love come shining through. 

Mom will not be with us much longer.  Her mind may go before her body does…tonight she said, “Rub my food” (grin)…she really wanted a back rub.  She heard what she said and giggled a little at herself.  We have tried to make light of these moments and celebrate that they are moving her closer to being with dad.  We’ve been remembering the way dad always called her “kitten”…because she was soft and cuddly.  He adored her and I feel blessed to say that I married a man who loves me in the same extraordinary way.

There are practical matters that we will be tying up this week so that we can spend time rejoicing in mom’s homegoing when it comes.  But I know that as the end draws near that God has done a beautiful thing in my heart and that He will soon take her home to her reward…and the end can’t be near enough for her!