Preparation



 I found a great quote tonight by Dwight L. Moody when I was looking for something to start this blog.  He once said, “We talk about heaven being so far away. It is within speaking distance to those who belong there. Heaven is a prepared place for a prepared people.”

I’ve not shared yet the wonderful gift my parents shared with us by making preparations for the end of their lives.  My parents could be the poster children for end-of-life preparation.  I’d like to share some of the things they did ahead of time that makes their departures easier for us to bear as their children.  It has allowed us to concentrate on our relationship instead of struggling through the unknowns.

1.     Both my parents have provided us the assurance that we will be together again in heaven.  The first and most important thing one can do in preparing for death is to be sure that you will stand before your Creator as His child.  You can only become His child by accepting the gift of salvation offered through the birth, life, death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, His Only Begotten Son.  Dad and Mom both knew that they knew that they knew their eternity is a gift from God and not something they could ever have earned through good works.  However, they also knew that good works were a way to return that love and they modeled good works for as long as I can remember.  Never worry about asking a loved one who is dying if they know Jesus as Savior.  It’s better to ask and offend than not to ask and offend by allowing them to be separated from God forever.

2.     Both my parents took the time to prepare living wills with their instructions pertaining to treatment in the face of catastrophic illnesses, and we were able to use these to guide in helping them make decisions.  Mom had specified that she wanted no life-saving treatment.  This helped us when, in confusion, she agreed to chemotherapy.  After talking with her about her earlier wishes and expressing our ability to abide by her wishes, she was able to turn down a treatment that I believe would have killed her before the disease did.  It helped mom when the doctors told dad he needed dialysis and he’d already made a decision that would not happen.  She was able to abide by his wishes.  All adults should have living wills and talk to their children about those wills.  Let your children know if you wish to be an organ donor because in the emotion of death those decisions can cause confusion if they’re not already planned.

3.     Both my parents have had legal wills made dividing their property and inheritance.  Leaving the decisions to some family members is asking for trouble and can cause rifts in sibling relationships.  If you believe your family is capable of making these decisions on their own, specify that in your will.  If you wish to leave particular items to specific family or friends, be sure to also specify that.  Children should want to fulfill the wishes of their parents and this is the best guide to help them do so.

4.     Both my parents have had pre-planned funeral arrangements made and had also paid for their burial plots.  Mom had the responsibility after Dad’s death of choosing the headstone and placing it at his grave.  The only thing we will have to have done is to put the date of her death on the stone.  What a blessing this will be for us.

5.     My mother kept clear documents that she has shared with me so that I know who her pall bearers will be (and I’ve already called to confirm that they are willing to do so), what outfit she wants to wear, what songs she’d like sung at her funeral and who should sing them, who she’d like to preach her funeral service.  We’ve already written her obituary.  (I heard of a class at a local college that begins with students writing their own obituaries and then using them to set goals and make plans so that at the end of their lives people will know them as the person they hope to become). 

6.     My mother also had a document telling us where everything is located that needs to be found at the time of her death…wills, financial documents, identification documents, funeral policy, insurance policy.  My brother and I have divided up responsibilities since her diagnosis.  I’ve taken lead in her medical and personal care and he is taking care of financial and legal obligations.  Having a plan has helped us to work smoothly together and can happen because we have complete trust in each other.

I cannot express how important these steps have been in helping to make this time in my mother’s life free of stress.  We are able to concentrate on her care and comfort instead of trying to take care of end-of-life issues.  The social worker from hospice congratulated us and expressed how much more peaceful times like this are for families that have taken the time to talk and prepare.

I say all of this knowing that when I return home to New York my husband and I will have some work to do to help make sure we are able to also make things easy for our children when our time comes to step into heaven.   We will move to our prepared place having lived as prepared children of the King. 

I encourage you, if you are a child of older parents, to have that discussion that feels “morbid” but is really life-giving during end-of-life drama.  And if you are the parent of children, please use this list to prepare yourself in matters that should be determined by you and not your children.  You will be a blessing to them…and I believe it is in the character of God when we take the time to prepare.  Before time began He prepared not only this place and prepared not only for our part in this place, but prepared for salvation that would bring us from this place into His Presence.

Thank you, Dad and Mom, for loving us enough to make the preparations that we needed for this time.  Thank you for modeling for us how we can follow in your footsteps to help our children be able to concentrate on relationship with us when our time comes and not have to be sorting out the mess that times like these bring for those who have not prepared.