Richard's Arrest

As if the hurt of watching my mother die is not enough to break my heart, today I watched my brother Richard get arrested, hand-cuffed and led away by police after I had to call them.  A day that started out well turned to disaster because of his temper…and I feel so broken tonight for a brother who may never know how much he is loved. 

Richard got up this morning and mowed the backyard…what a pleasant surprise.  Around 1:00 I heard something hitting the front window and wondered if it was raining, till I realized he had turned on the sprinkler.  Mom heard it too.  “Go tell your brother to turn off that water.  The lawn is already dead.  I don’t want to waste that money.”  I stepped out front and relayed her message exactly as she’d said it.  He lumbered by saying, “The lawn is not dead.  I know what I’m doing.  I watered the back lawn and it’s nice and green now.”  So I went back in the house and shared his words with mom.  She raised her voice and said, “You go tell him I said…”  I interrupted her.  “Mom, I am not going to play messenger between you two.”  She started crying and said, “Lauren, I can’t do it.”  So I said I’d go get him and she could tell him herself.  I asked him to come in and talk to mom…biggest mistake of my life.  He stormed in shouting all the way till he stood in front of her, “I am going to water the lawn.  I know what I’m doing.  I watered the backyard and it’s fine now.”  And then at the top of his voice (as loud as he could be with the voice box) he said, “I don’t need you to tell me how to water a lawn.”  So she raised her voice and said, “Who’s going to pay the water bill?  Are you going to pay it?” and he leaned down into her face and growled, “I’ll pay the bill.”  If he’d stopped there we would have been okay.  But as he passed the back of her chair to head to his room he leaned almost into her face and said, “You’re determined to be mean all the way to the end, aren’t you?”

My heart was about to pound out of my chest.  My fists clenched.  Of all the people in the world to accuse anyone of being mean.  I took a deep breath and moved to sit close to mom.  I said, “You know you don’t deserve that, right?”  She just blankly looked at me.  I said, “Mom, has Richard been treating you like this?”  and she replied, “Richard treats everyone like this.” 

My heart was broken.  Richard, since his return to our family and my encounters with him, has been full of anger and hatred.  If looks could kill I would have been dead several times over.  He is a bully and tries to intimidate people…and for the most part it has worked with me because he’s taller and stronger than me…very intimidating.  I’ve chosen to just stay out of his way as much as possible and have always been uncomfortable when mom asked me to tell him something. 

Shortly after this encounter David called and I relayed what had happened.  We talked about it and I told him that I thought I would call our cousin, who works for the Sheriff’s Department, and have him come and have a heart-to-heart with Richard and explain what is and is not appropriate when talking to an elderly parent.  I told David that I would have our cousin explain to Richard that if he stepped over the line one more time he would be removed from our home.  We decided this was a good way to  handle the situation.  Unfortunately my cousin was busy and couldn’t come right away.  But I thought that would be okay and we could wait till later in the afternoon to address the situation.  How wrong I was.

David had called his friend, Lindsay…my other brother.  Long, long ago, when Lindsay was 13, he had lived with our family.  So he’s just always been treated like a brother.  He was listed as a “special son” in my father’s obituary.  Lindsay came over and asked me to step outside and tell him what Richard had said.  He then went to Richard’s bedroom, let himself in and I heard him say something along the lines, “Richard, what do you think you’re doing speaking to your mother like that?”  There was about two minutes of civil conversation.  And then it escalated to shouting.  Finally Richard yelled, “Get out of my room!”  He jumped up and grabbed Lindsay and threw him toward the door.  Lindsay came back fighting.  By the time I got to the room, Richard’s face was bloody where he’d fallen into his desk.  Lindsay was still punching him.  “Stop it!” I screamed.  Both of them stood up.   “I’m calling the police.”  I hurried back down the hall and crying dialed 911.

The police were here within one minute it seemed.  As we were waiting for them Richard said, “Great, Laurie…see what you’ve done.  Now you’ve really screwed things up.”  He paced up and down the hall.  Then he came back up and said, “I’m pressing charges against you, Lindsay,” but mom said, “No one’s pressing charges against Lindsay.”  Richard started out of the house as the police were pulling in the drive…he came back in the door.  The police came in and talked to Richard and then Lindsay.  But it was mom who spoke up and said about Richard, “He needs to be charged with elder abuse.”  I was sick.

I was home last November and believed then that Richard was verbally abusing and intimidating her.  I believed it enough to call David back then and talk to him about it.  I believed it enough to ask mom on the phone about it when I’d call to check on her.  But she has always protected Richard.  She’s always believed that he’s been through so much…she’s always been his champion.  She has loved him to a fault.  But today, for the first time in my 53 years, she did not take his side.  And I knew that things have gone on here that we don’t know about and may never know about.  You see, mom’s a very private person.  If she doesn’t like something she just pretends it’s not really happening.  She glosses things over and tries to make others see through her rose colored glasses.  But she couldn’t hide this now.

Richard was arrested and charged with disturbing the peace.  After my cousin got here and called the DA they also added a felony charge of abusing the infirm.  I was horrified to watch Richard, face bloodied from the fight, bag packed because they’d told him he couldn’t come back here, taken to the front yard, read his rights, handcuffed and led away.  I’m not sure when I cried so hard.  How had we gone from him helping and watering the grass to him being taken away by the police?

It happened because sometimes families keep secrets.  It happened because when people act ugly, mean or like bullies we don’t correct their behavior immediately or hold them accountable.  I believe with all my heart that Richard’s arrest is the right thing to do.  Something had to happen to help him understand how serious his actions and words are.  But sometimes the right thing doesn’t feel good…and this certainly did not feel good.

Richard called here shortly after 6:00.  “Laurie, I need you to come get me out of this detention center.” 

“Richard, I can’t do that.”        “Why not?”       “Richard, there’s a protective order.  You’re not allowed to come back here.”          “What’s that got to do with anything?”

He doesn’t know he’s in trouble.  He doesn’t think he did anything wrong.  How is that even possible?  Why would he call me knowing I was the one who called the police in the first place.

Bail will not be set before Sunday.  David has said, “If he bails out you call me and I will be there within eight hours…I’ll be there to stay with you till mom is gone.  I won’t leave you two alone there.”

Lord…I don’t understand.  I love him.  I hurt for him.  He’s broken.  He needs you.  And, Lord, unless you work some sort of miraculous something here, I’ve probably lost my brother.  And that hurts.  I’m not afraid, Lord.  I trust you.  Please, Lord, give mom some sort of sense of peace in the midst of this turmoil.  Thank you for the family and friends that rushed to our sides today.  Protect Richard from himself…from others that he may anger or upset.  And, Lord…if possible…let this story touch someone who may be living in the same situation.  Let them speak up and protect loved ones.  The world is becoming a hateful place in so many ways, Lord.  Please come soon…please let mom be removed from this turmoil soon so that she can be at peace in Your arms.  Give us wisdom, Lord.  Break Richard’s heart and let him know that he’s loved even when his actions aren’t going to be tolerated.  Help me to rest somehow tonight, Lord.  I love You and trust You…it’s all that I can do now.