Sometimes Love Hurts So Good

-

Sometimes love hurts so good.  It hurts when you know you're doing the right thing...even if it doesn't "feel" good.  Today is going to be a "walk by faith" day because walking by sight doesn't look so good.  Mom woke up feeling lower than I've ever seen.  We struggled through the morning and she did get up and get dressed because she had a doctor's appointment...but she insisted she did NOT want to go to the doctor's office.  Today is supposed to be the hottest day of the year...predicted high of 106.  I got to thinking about taking her out in the heat and really didn't want to have to take her if it wasn't necessary.  She also wanted to refuse her medications today.  I told her I couldn't make that decision because I was just her daughter not her nurse.  And then Nurse Sharon came to the rescue.  You have to love hospice nurses.  She was able to do the physical checking on the wound site that would have happened at the doctor's office...so we were able to cancel the dr's appt.  She was willing to let mom stop her meds if she chooses.  She also brought an "anxiety" medication to help mom rest a little better and relax a little better...and after one dose she seems a little better.  It's so hard when she's down like that...so hard not to look at the pain and fear and confusion in her eyes.  As someone who has been in control for most of her life, this must be terrifying.  She snaps easily...but that's to be understood at this point.  I just keep praying for the wisdom to understand...to try to feel what she feels so I know why she acts the way she acts.  One minute she's expressing remorse for "messing up your lives" and the next she's demanding her way.  It will be a roller coaster...it will hurt...but love will win this battle and she will rest in the arms of Love when the battle is over. 


I am so blessed to have a younger brother who does all he can to encourage me.  Richard still proves to be challenging at times, but I've been asking God to let me see what He sees in Richard.  And I think he's facing the same fears about mom leaving because she's been his big supporter all his life.  Richard is a creation of the same God Who made all of us...and I have to make the choice every day to just love him.  Today I was a little heartbroken for him because one of his highschool friends was listed in the obituaries...he told me he once dated her.  So he deals with the same hurts and pains that we all do...just deals with them differently.  I wish he was as easy to love as David...but I will still choose to love him.


Good news...Dan will be getting a surgery appointment soon...after 14 weeks out of work.  So maybe by the time I get back to NY he will be feeling like his old self...well...actually...his new self has been just as wonderful.  I love him so much and am so glad something good is coming his way.  He has been my hero through all of this and continues to encourage me to stand by mom...what a sacrifice he's making. 


So today love hurts...it hurts to be separated from Dan...it hurts to watch mom struggle.  But it is love... so strong...so sure...that will help us get through all of this.  So it's okay if love hurts...because if it didn't sometimes, it probably wouldn't be love.


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Tonight I Met Jesus

-
Image
  Tonight I met Jesus when Dan and I fed and housed maybe the first truly homeless man I’ve ever met.   I’ve always tried to feed the hungry when I could.   We’ve opened our home to those who had no place to stay for short periods of time.   But we always knew there was hope for housing for anyone who stayed with us. Tonight I met a new Daniel.   There’s so much I learned about him during our brief encounter with him.   In any other time, he would be housed in a home for the mentally ill.   His whole life has been troubled…on psychiatric drugs as a child…on Social Security disability only if he stayed on his prescribed drugs…drugs he said did nothing but make him confused and disabled.   He truly doesn’t understand that he suffers from mental illness. He has an "invisible" friend (or is hallucinating).    He wants to be “accepted”.   He wants to work and take care of a house and be left alone by a world of people he feels are out to just destroy him and make life and living
Read more

I've Seen His Glory

-
Image
This has been another interesting week in South Africa…not so much from the action happening around me, as much as from the action happening IN me.   I found myself compelled to take a stand against the world again this week…and once again discovered that many Christians are washing down the Word of God to take away its power to save.   When we decided that Jesus is just so loving that anything goes…when we decide that to emulate Christ we have to just be sweet and kind and loving and accepting of sin because we might actually offend someone…we emasculate ourselves as Christians.   Jesus’ message in His day was bold.   It went totally against the teaching of the world.   It went totally against the teaching of the church of its time.   It was something so different that people stood in wonder for hours to hear Him preach.   Did He love the people?   With all His heart!   But that did NOT stop Him from pointing out that they were falling short of God’s glory…God’s plan for their
Read more
-
Image
  BOOK REVIEW   INTERCONNECTED By:   Jamie Urquhart Jake seems to always be in the wrong place at the wrong time as this interesting who-dun-it unfolds.   An innocent stop for breakfast at a roadside diner puts him smack dab in the middle of attempted murder…of a police officer, no less.   And other diners impossibly agree as they point to him as the shooter!   Along comes Officer Kowalski…’Ski to his friends.   Jake and Officer Kowalski will slowly but surely piece together a crime with far-reaching outcomes.   This reader enjoyed the fact that she did NOT guess the ending till the very end.   It always felt as if I were putting together a jigsaw puzzle with missing pieces.   I believe that is exactly how the author intended the reader to feel. I have been looking forward to reading this first novel of a friend of mine.   I knew it would be factual, because Jamie has years of experience as an EMT and fire fighter.   At times, the “factual” was too much for this less-experien
Read more