Mothers & Daughters

Mothers and daughters play such important roles in each other’s lives but many times don’t even know it.  We know that mothers are important to their infant daughters because they provide nurturing and sustenance.  We know that mothers are important to their toddler and child daughters as they help them develop their feminine identities.  We know that mothers are important to teenage daughters as the struggle for independence helps develop their strengths and talents and abilities to cope with adult life.  We know that mothers are important to their daughters as they move into adulthood, especially encouraging and passing along information as their daughters raise their own babies.  We know that mothers serve throughout life as cheerleaders, confidantes, personal life guides, gurus of practical wisdom.  At no point does a mother become unimportant to her daughter.

But what happens when mothers make mistakes…or daughters make mistakes?  Can those mistakes be used by God to strengthen the mother/daughter bonds?  Or does satan have control and is he allowed to twist the knife and make careless words become daggers in the relationship that is needed for both to find contentment as they move into the adult years?

I have someone dear in my life who has been such a blessing to me.  But today her mother carelessly said something that hurt this person I love.  For the life of me I cannot imagine where the painful statement could have come from.  The dear mother that dispensed what she thought was wisdom probably has no idea of the harm she caused…not only her own daughter…but the ripple effect of the pain I feel for this person I love dearly.  This person I love has a “mama bear” personality.  She is so quick to jump in and help when she feels she can.  She has strong organizational skills that really empower her gift of helps.  She is an encourager.  She is someone who is doing a good job in kingdom work.  But she’s failing to find her mother’s blessing and confirmation and she’s struggling because of it…and this hurts me.

It hurts me because I’ve been there and done that.  I’ve hurt for my mother’s blessing and forgiveness during my lifetime.  I’ve failed her.  I’ve made mistakes.  And there were times that in her own pain she could not or would not help me with mine.  So we both struggled with loose ends.  We withdrew from each other…afraid to say anything because nothing seemed right any more.  There are emotional war wounds and scars from those encounters.  I came home to care for my mother with some of that woundedness.  And I have learned this…life is too short for us to let wounds fester and grow.  Satan is too busy looking for footholds in our lives for us to hang on to those pains. 

The Bible is full of stories of the “passing of the mantle” from fathers to sons…a ceremony of blessing and confirmation that men of old did to strengthen their sons.  I firmly believe that daughters are looking for the same sort of confirmation from their mothers.  Am I doing this right?  Are my mistakes going to be too big to be fixed?  Am I as good a woman as you are…the woman who has been my mentor and hero?

So if you’re reading this and you’re a mother, cut your daughter some slack and realize that you are the one who can pour out earthly blessings that will sustain her, encourage her and keep her going strong so that she can pass the same along to her daughter some day.  And if you are that daughter whose mother says things that hurt…cut her some slack.  She’s allowed to still make mistakes.  But all of us mothers and daughters need to let God do the mending…let Him do the repair work on our mistakes.  He’s still about the business of working all things to good for those called according to His purpose.  We as mothers and daughters each have a purpose in the life of the other…are you the mother or daughter that God is calling you to be tonight?  Ask Him for His help in your relationship.  He created you.  He chose your mother…your daughter.  No one else better knows what is right for both of you.  And be blessed tonight to know that He loves you both…warts, mistakes, wrinkles…He loves you.  I know that He loves me and has worked EVERYTHING to good in the relationship I share with my mother…and I believe he will do the same in my wonderful relationship with my beautiful daughter…and the beautiful daughters my sons have brought me.  I am blessed tonight!